So. I know I always say that. If I say it enough it may happen. There's a theory about that. Let's take a little side step. It's my ADD. Intuition, willing things to happen, ESP, life after death, blah blah blah. The most surreal thing that ever happened to me when I was a kid was .... Mom used to call us and say ... girls we want your dad to do XYZ so chant it over and over and we will see if it happens. And it usually worked. We only used our dark magic for really important things ... Like bewitching my Dad into coming home with KFC. Woot woot.
So. Back to the story. This friend, who I feel like I've known forever, is a young buck. Lol. That's what men that I know call him when we are out together. So (insert name here) how's your young
buck. I say stfu he's not my young buck he's my future husband. No I don't really say that. I might think it. I don't Say it out loud. I have more discretion than that. Ha.
So. Where am I going with this. Good question. Let's be honest. All my stories are true. Sad but true. So why stop now. So this young buck, I mean fiancé, ooops I mean stud ...he needs a name. Let's call him Harry. Cause he really is a prince and he's sort of hairy. Did you know, incidentally, that hairy men, back hair included, are very good in bed? Just sayin.
So. My God I didn't take my meds this morning. I'm kidding. Or am I ? Who's to say. So Harry calls. Yay luckiest girl in the world. I feel like a princess when I'm around Harry. (had to say it ) he's sweet he's smart he's artistic, he is musical, he's gentlemanly - but only when he should be, he's romantic, he's chivalrous, he's HOT AS F@&$/@&$& Sorry Tourette's. He comes and picks me up. We go to an outdoor seating area and in our usual style we drink and we smoke and we smoke and we drink and we drink and we drink and we drink oh then we smoke. Normally there is dancing intermingled in there but we drank hard core really fast out of the gate so when it came time to dance, well we just were to wasted to bother. Just to be frank. We went bar hopping a little bit, we stopped and I got a piano concert, it was awesome. We had deep discussions as usual. We encourage each other and listen to each other and basically we understand each other. Harry is a friend I love. This is my litmus test. Harry is the only man in the world that I love, and would still love, even if his penis fell off. I mean the romantic love for a man, not a relative you sickos. So again where am I going with this.
So. The night is ending, Harry is exhausted reasonably so, and abruptly says (insert my name here) I need to go home. He throws a couple smokes on the table, hugs me goodbye and goes home. I say why, why don't you stay, he says nope gotta go. I am drunk. He is drunk. No one acts normal when they are drunk especially me. That's why I drink because drunk makes me more interesting. He leaves and I absolutely have a melt down. Picture a toddler in the toy aisle wailing. Yes literally that is me. It was a tantrum. A temper tantrum. I can say though, that I didn't punch a wall. I am beyond pissed. I call Harry. His phone is dead. I text him, no answer. ( duh drunk girl his phone is dead) and suddenly I realize my phone is going dead and I left my wall charger in his car. How am I supposed to send him messages about how pissed I am if my phones going dead.
So. I get in my car and race to his house, and ring the bell about 3 times. He doesn't come to the door, I'm getting in my car and he appears at the door. I see him from the driveway and he's gorgeous in his underpants. Shit I'm almost not mad for a second. I simply say Harry unlock your car I need my charger. He does. I take it, I don't say a word, I get in my car and speed away. Yes smart, angry drunk girl driving. Very dumb. He emails. It says ...something like ... You sped away i lost my phone youre very angry and i dont want you to be upset ... He didnt know why i was angry. Thats because I'm a crazy bitch ! Idk when I saw it. Since I'm considered brilliant to some I'm sure it was not drunk angry and driving and checking emails all at the same time. No absolutely not. I agree I'm stupid as fuck. I just ate Taco Bell. I'm sure that I'm fine. So now I go back to bar, for what purpose idk. I'm red faced obviously crying drunk girl going to get her drink on. I have two, call the cab, and go home. In the interim sending Harry a rash of mean bitchy texts.
So. Then it's the morning after. I tell my good friend the story, she puts it in perspective. (my god she always puts it in perspective) I realize why I freaked out, Harry would not bend to my will. You know what else I realized, that's part of the reason I love him. :).