Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Permission to Act Stupid

For a short period in my life, albeit a very drunken period .... I was clumsy. Clumsy in the way I describe in my entry "a crack to the head" but also many other ways. Admittedly drinking correlated with the mishaps. Here is one of them. 

Beloved Cupcake
I was at a bar, imagine that, at a table with a bunch of my "girls" one of my BFF's had a stalker of sorts. A really old guy who wanted to have sex with her. That wasn't happening because she already had a stud on retainer who ascribed to her very unusual tastes. You know how terrified you were when your child or a child you knew was bitten in daycare? Well she likes bite marks, on herself. Enough said. 

So ... BFF gets a lovely gift from old man perv. It's a specially wrapped cupcake. She is touched and thanks him profusely. I laugh and say OHH how sweet. She says I'm going to save it for my grandma who's on hospice and won't eat. Maybe she will eat this. Then she exits to the toilet. The beer has made her incontinent like grandma.* While gone, and with an audience to entertain, I take the box, open it, and take a gander at the treat. It's beautiful and I must have him, I mean it. I take it out and while laughing hysterically, eat it with wreck less abandon while they look on in horror, but gay delight as well. Like watching something really naughty and trying not to enjoy it. I rewrapped the box and place it neatly in its place and put on a straight face while the rest can't stop giggling. BFF came back realized what I had done and I and everyone else started laughing so hard. I had to goto the bathroom. While I was gone, Prince Harry walked in and sat at the table. I came back, still laughing and loaded, and went to sit down, missed the chair and fell on my a**. He smiled, walked over to me, picked me up, and said its time to go.  Later I say omg Harry I'm so embarrassed. He says oh darlin it's ok you fell very gracefully. You were like a little ballerina, you just went POP.  Permission to Act Stupid.
*the part about Grandma was a lie. 

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