In Search Of ... The Most Interesting Man in the World

In search of The Most Interesting Man in the World I decided in my ultimate wisdom to place an ad on match.com. So here is my genius script meant to attract a qualified love match.

I'm sane

(most of the time)

I'm a real person. This profile is not a joke.

(Only my life is)

I have nearly grown children

(chronologically)

I'm self-supporting

(until now)

I'm divorced

(twice. I couldn’t say no and embarrass him in front of everyone, and besides what would he do with the BIG ring?!)

I don't regret past mistakes I learn from them.

(the quick fixes, cures and get rich easy schemes are easier the second time around - you know what they say hindsight is 20/20)

I have great strengths. I'm intelligent, I'm driven, I'm resilient, I'm discerning

(for instance you know that show biggest loser? well I can always pick em ..now that is a valuable strength if used responsibly, never said I was responsible.)

I'm reasonably attractive.

(My Match dates have said Wow your photos do not do you justice..coincidentally I think all of their cell phones broke because I never heard from them again)

I'm sarcastic

(I'm really not)

I love to laugh and have fun

(Especially in church)

I enjoy the company of a good man

(Or at least one who looks good I can find the good in any man, at least that's what the waitress at the bar says ...as if it’s a BAD thing!!)

I like to make new friends

(And borrow money from them)

I like men who are men not women

(You know ... are not prettier than I am, do not spend more than 20 minutes or so getting ready, dress like men, act like men, perform basic tasks like pitching instead of catching

Honesty is important.

(like when I followed my last match date he said "Lady you are crazy I never want to see you again" what a liar! I know he just lost my number and didn’t want to admit it! )

Disclaimer: that’s a joke I’m not a stalker I've only followed 1/2 of my ex match dates and none of my ex-husbands.

Compliments are nice

(you know ... nice shoes, pretty dress, nice butt ... nice blankity blank ... I like compliments )

Appreciation

(OH sweetie thanks for brushing your teeth before we went out this time ,sweetie it was nice of you not to throw that drink in my face when I told you that dirty joke ... )

Intelligence

(Theory of relativity. I don't know it is do you? - I want to learn something from my date. Like current events...someone has to tell me what was on the news last night because I was at the bar! ... someone well read and well spoken ... you know good manners rub off if you hang around long enough I may learn some good English)

I want to watch the movie TRUE GRIT over and over again so I can learn good English. loll.

Men who are well formed

("Excuse me ma'am where's the gym" have all of the appropriate parts, 10 fingers 10 toes, 3 legs, fully functioning brain ... two eyeballs are always good)

Someone who is attractive, in my eyes.

( I love a guy who looks like a cartoon character. Don't ask me what that means, it’s just what my sister and dad always told me that I was attracted to ... "You know all these guys you like look like cartoon characters?" they didn't notice that the guys I brought home were really not men but life size cardboard cutouts. - the most interesting man in the world ... )

Men who like small children and animals

(but don’t want either ...joking it's ok if you have kids or dogs but I'm not going to birth anymore babies)

And on to my next task .... I'm nearly done with match it's getting boring and I think I've ruined every chance I had with the 450 nice guys I've gone on a date with on here .... hookup Omaha here I come ... NOT!  well perhaps maybe