A Story of Douchebaggery
So I work with a guy who is, let’s just say he’s mentally challenged. And I don’t mean because he has something wrong with him. He is mentally challenged and a douchebag because he must have a very small penis, small brain, or gotten hit in the head to0 many times by people he offended. I’m guessing the third.
This guy started about one year ago and although he still has learned basically nothing about how to do his job, he pretends to be all knowing and goes about his business of checking up on his coworkers to make sure they get things done, that our boss assigns, even though he is not the boss. Doesn’t sound that bad does it. But cumulatively, he aggravates me so much that I’m glad I’m not one to resort to physical violence, however verbal abuse is fair play. Here is an example of his douchebaggery.
Our boss tells us to move all of a certain report, for all of our customers, to another spot on our database. Essentially electronically move 50 files from one spot to another. It would take hours and it’s a very stupid exercise. With that being said we had until the end of September to do it. (I still haven’t done it) On September 10th douchebaggery comes to my desk and says, “Hey did you get all your files moved?” I say “Um. are you my boss? We have until the end of the month to do it. It’s only the 10th” he says “Well just checking, you’ve got to get it done” I’m like HELLO MYOFBDB !! (Mind your own fucking business Douchebag) WOW WOW WOW my blood starts boiling. (I still haven’t done it. WHY? Because he told me I had to)
Second example: He comes to my desk and says “Hey why were you out of the office yesterday” I say “none of your business” he laughs and I smile (because I’m at expert at bitchcraft) and say “I was sick DB, I had a migraine all day” He says … “Sounds like the wineflu to me” I think Duh dumb dumb I drink vodka. Grrr. From then on every time I’m sick he says I have wineflu. He’s putting nails in his coffin.
Third example: He comes to my desk (essentially he is at my desk at least 5x per day harassing me) He says “hey, how was your weekend” I say it was great. He says “So you got some strange?” MIND YOU!! I have never talked about anything sexual with this mentally challenged douchebag! He should expect it when he least expects it. (Get Smart – literally)
Fourth example: Walks by my desk and says under his breath “Hey Hooker how you doing” And I say excuse me what did you say? He says “I just say hey hey how you doing” Uh huh. He shouldn’t walk in front of my car.
Fifth example: I say your parents must have been ugly because that is hereditary. He says what did you say? Terriditory? I say no ding dong, HEREDITERY. He says oh. They aren’t and neither am I, but it is not hereditary it’s genetic. (HA) I say it’s the same thing. I guess your parents were stupid too. He says … no genetics and heredity are two different things. I say no they aren’t. We are like 5 y/o now going back and forth. He walks away. As he does I say one of the meanest things I’ve ever said in my life … “Don’t get in an accident on the way home” he didn’t hear me. I think you can get fired for workplace violence. I wonder which is worse, sexual harassment or workplace violence?
So he leaves and I look it up. And apparently the study of heredity is called genetics. I sent him the proof via email (link and excerpt) and I said … Boom Farm Boy Wrong Again. Of course he doesn’t respond.
So with that being said, there is something to be said for good breeding and apparently his parents should not have had children. I know mean but true.