Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Crazy Dream

I have a sister, she obsessed with moving away and whenever things get stressful or overwhelming she would revert to the ‘I’m just packing up and moving away’ conversation. My sister is really eccentric. That's a nice way to say batshit crazy. I'm only eccentric. (Joking Sis) We have crazy ideas and verbalize them and people don’t think we are serious. But we usually are. Like her Kill List for example. No blog about that. Anyhow --- So over years and years and years she’s been driving me insane with the I’m moving scenario crazy dream. 
She reminds me of a visit to an elderly person and they tell you every single time that they see you, about their bunion, or their bedsore, or their heartburn whatever. But I would just smile at her and basically say …. OMG you’re just stressed out and you ramble about this when you want to escape. In my mind I would say … STFU I’m so tired of hearing this stupid bullshit story. But I love her I do.
Ironically, the other day, she said to me … "Hey will you stop! You already told me the x,y,z story 3x and I’m so tired of hearing it over and over again.(Mind you it was only about the 3rd time) it really drives me insane." And I just said something like ok sorry. Internal dialog said ... omg you are such a bunt. reminds with ... ha. Not nice. Needless to say EVERY SINGLE TIME I see her or talk to her, she repeats one of her stories … like years old stories. I used to kindheartedly let it go. Now, because I’m passive aggressive, I say … “I’m so sick and tired of hearing that story over and over again. It drives me insane” I’ve had the privilege of throwing it in her face about a dozen times in the few weeks that it’s been since she scolded me for boring stories. Ha payback is a bitch. It’s so fun to win. HA.
So I have a crazy moving dream too, and I’m going to move within 5 years to Italy. Why the 5 year mark? Because I want to be less than (Insert my age here)  when I move. There will at least be a slim chance of hope that I’ll have lost weight by then, gotten a facelift and boobs, and will  be totally hot.
Incidentally part one of the plan is in motion. I joined the health club. Sadly I didn’t make it to the gym today – that makes the 5th year in a row. (I stole that joke)  
With that being said the second part of the plan is the bring Prince Harry with me, for which I’d have to be totally hot, or if he declines – which I’m guessing he will because I’ll be nearly (insert age here +5)  by then and he will still be significantly younger .. .. plan b to part two is that I’ll go alone and meet some hot Italian guy who knows no English and can speak Italian to me while we are naked in bed. plan c is i'll go alone, send Prince Harry a shit ton of photos and packages until he just can't resist 'visiting' and then i'll steal his passport and clothes so he can never leave. (I say I wouldn't do that ...the stealing his passport part is totally inappropriate and wrong, the other part is totally socially acceptable to do in my book)
(I Blame all of this blog on Tourettes. I was telling my friend today that I really like diagnosing people, and since I present the diagnosis as if it were fact, I should really go back to school to get the credentials to back it up. Not gonna do it. Just saying.  Too bad I can’t diagnose myself … look a pony! )  
The first scenario is the favored one though. Just saying (Prince Harry)  And it’s a crazy story and people think I’m not going to do it, and I tell people every single day that I’m going to do it ---- and mark my words I’m going to do it. Unlike my sister I’m actually going to move somewhere fabulous. And then there will be bliss, and lots of walking by the ocean, great food, and sex.  Italy is conducive to sex, food, and walking. That’s just the way it is. It’s the way of the world. And music too. Yes music.
So do you sense some competition among sisters? Hell I’d like to write just about that today but I won’t. It would be a BOOK. Hmmm that’s an idea. Anyhow my crazy sister packed it up last week and moved somewhere fabulous too! I can’t believe that bitch beat me to it. She moved by the ocean. She’s a bitch on the beach and she one-upped me.  Healthy competition is good – or unhealthy as the case may be. This is just the inspiration that I needed to get my 5 year plan going --- full speed ahead. Italy here I come.

1 comment:

  1. Worse News Ever ... My sister is enjoying exercising. To my horror, she is walking about 5 miles a day on the beach. I told her it's dangerous to be doing this. She said why? I said because if you get skinnier than I do, I will have to put you in a deep hole, and only feed you exorbitant amounts of pringles until you gain all your weight back and are fatter than I am. Sadly, I would actually consider doing it. (ha) And even worse yet, I have a gym membership that is looking more and more appealing at the moment. Jealousy and competitiveness are great motivators ... albeit sins. Our greatest strengths are our biggest weaknesses i'm sure that can be vice versa as well right?!