Sunday, January 27, 2013
But I Don't Love You
Today was a very bad day and I won't go into the reasons why. Wait a minute I will go into the reasons why because basically I'll be making fun of myself when I explain why, and that's the way I roll.
I had a super amazing fun time with friends and Prince Hairy at the bar last night, and then I went home alone in a cab, and to my credit I did not fall down. But, I over imbibed (as my douche-y ex husband calls it) and I did stupid things - like cry in front of people. I'm sure no one really paid attention to the girl sitting alone at 1:55a crying in her glass of vodka. Oh that's not true one random guy did, just to ask me if I wanted to go home with him.
So. why the tears? Maybe whoever reads this could provide me feedback.
A man, we shall call him, ummm, MM (for mister moneybags) has somehow entered my world and has turned it upside down. He likes me. We are 'casual' but he is increasingly more and more affectionate in words and in person, and it's becoming an issue. Why is that an issue? Because in my world I only enter into relationships that are sure to fail, are virtually impossible, and/or the person is a complete and total loser. In this case, he's the right age, the right marital status, he's fairly attractive and funny, very intelligent, and he's MM. Not that I give a shit, but if I were to tell my Mother all about MM she'd say YAY he's MM. I say, sadly, that part about him makes me dislike him.
So. Why is being affectionate an issue?
1. He shows up where I drink, and when I drink I like to talk to people. Men, Women, Children, Myself. And for that I need discretion and privacy.
2. I like him. Affection encourages me, and makes me scared.
3. He says all these great things, and then he adds the caveat "But I Don't Love You"
That was the tipping point. I said ... Listen. I don't love you, I don't believe in that fairy tale bullshit and I'll probably never be in love ever again. (I loved a few people, I still love one person, but that's different. HE is grandfathered in)" BUT Why the caveat "But I Don't Love You" I'll liken the logic to this ...
Oh my God, the steak at Drovers was earth shatteringly (a word?) delicious. But I Don't Love It
Holy Crap, Les Miserables was outstanding and it was so amazing I peed myself. But I Don't Love It
My Word, you just did blankity blank so well that I had a BIG O so big the state of Nebraska heard me screaming, But I Don't Love It
Do you catch my drift? It's like this ...
(Insert my name here), You are devastatingly beautiful. But I Don't Love You
(Insert my name here), You are one of the most amazing women that I've ever met But I Don't Love You
(Insert my name here), I can't believe how much I am drawn to you But I Don't Love You
(Insert my name here), You make my pupils turn into hearts like the cartoons But I Don't Love You
AND with all this affection he adds, I don't want to send you the wrong message, so I'm being totally forthright. I don't love you and I never will and this will never amount to anything. By the way, (insert my name here) did I tell you how enthralling it is when you chew your food?
And I keep saying, MM, stop saying that because I DO NOT LOVE YOU. I didn't say I did, I didn't ask you if you did, and I don't care. It doesn't matter. Then eventually last night, with the help of alcohol, Prince Hairy fun, and realizing what a complete douche he was I said, go to hell and don't ever contact me again I hate you, and for how intelligent you are, you are a very stupid man - and I added I'm not a whore and I'm not here for your amusement.
With that being said, he liked it. Men like when you are a bitch. That's the end of the story. Either that or he's just as bat shit crazy as I am. Even if he was as crazy as I am, I DON'T LOVE HIM